Frankenstein

I am late to the party here, but I recently started watching Guillermo del Toro’s Frankenstein. I am three nights in and still have not finished the movie. While watching, I find myself physically contracting and cringing and—not to be too dramatic—experiencing emotional distress at the way the Creature is received and treated. I have only been able to take little bites of the movie at a time—perhaps because it hits a little too close to home.

Of course, the movie brings to mind the debate at the heart of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein—nature vs. nurture and the parent’s role and responsibility in bringing life into the world. As a mother and as a child, I am both Victor Frankenstein and the Creature. Through my own parents, I developed patterns and a way of Being in the world, and now, having children of my own, I am in turn passing down my own nervous system, coping mechanisms, habits, self-talk, patterns—all of it—to my children. Talk about pressure! (Good thing that, as Michiko reminds us, pressure makes diamonds! We need the pressure to grow.)

It just so happens I am currently reading Dr. Becky Kennedy’s Good Inside with a group of women. (Thank you, Gigi, for leading the charge!) All of us are doing the work to explore our own relationship to Self and parenting, and doing our best to turn out a little better than Victor Frankenstein. Thank goodness we are all good inside! I am good inside, you are good inside, and our children are good inside.

My oldest is just weeks away from turning thirteen, and I am realizing yet again that parenting is about continual growth. I have felt very humbled recently and have found myself apologizing and repairing more than I would like to admit. Cue feeling more like Victor Frankenstein and less good inside than I would like. And as I write this, I am smiling because I have found that, in order to give myself the grace and forgiveness that parenting requires, a little levity goes a long way.

“Laughing at yourself is loving yourself.”

Let’s circle back to the Creature. At some point, we all become responsible for caring for our own inner Creature—to give ourselves the love we may not have received, in all the ways we needed it.

Zen parenting is inner parenting. It is taking a good, honest look inside and being brave enough to show up and grow yourself. To give yourself all of the love (tough love at times) and support that you wish for your own child. My favorite part of Dr. Becky’s Good Inside is when she mentions (I’m paraphrasing) that when we, as parents, take care of our own nervous system first, our children learn just by watching and experiencing life in our presence.

When I am reminded of that, for me, it feels like a deep exhale. I can do that! I can parent myself and trust that my children will learn through my example. It is my motivation to keep showing up for myself and surrounding myself with women who are doing the same. I am not alone in my journey. Phew!

I am grateful for the opportunity to BE better and do better—to care for my own inner Creature and give it the love that it needs so I am a little less like Victor Frankenstein and a little more like the woman and mom I aspire to be.

One deep breath at a time.