The Zen of Parenting
The beginning of my journey and the birth of a zen momma.
Back when I became a mom in 2013 I was struggling. I was tired and overwhelmed. My daughter was colicky and cried for hours every evening. I was one of the first of my friends to have a baby and I had no one to relate to.
When Isabelle was 8-months old a mutual friend introduced me to Michiko J. Rolek and with a simple question, “how was I feeling around bedtime?” Michiko woke me up. This first insight is still applicable today. How am I feeling? It always comes back to me and how I am showing up. I love the below quote from The Tao of Motherhood:
“When your children’s energy is scattered, be grounded. When your children throw tantrums, be still. Know what you stand for. Be firm and consistent to teach your children about boundaries. Thus you will root them in health and release their soul to limitlessness.” Tao ~ The Art of Mothering
Zen parenting is inner parenting. A zen momma is a momma who practices loving herself first.
“Self-love is the root from which all else grows.” Michiko J. Rolek
When I am centered and present in the MOMent everything else flows more effortlessly, including parenting. So how do we stay centered when we are faced with so many moments that have the potential to throw us off balance? With practice. And with the understanding that these moments are opportunities to grow stronger and uncover new aspects of ourselves. And with a whole lot of self-compassion and self-forgivenness. I love to use the Ho’opono pono mantra and I will share more on that in a future post.
What I love most about Michiko’s teachings is that they are practical and accessible. Our posture and breath are the foundation of our practice. We can all sit up a little taller and breathe a little deeper. It doesn’t take more time to calm down, it takes intention. Who do I want to be in this MOMent?
In the beginning, my inspiration for practicing was my children and of course it still is. Overtime it has evolved and now my inspiration for my practice is ME. I value myself and I value the way I show up in the world. I am worth the effort. And Isabelle and Gabe get to learn what it means to love themselves by watching me love the me in momME.
In closing, I’ll share three parenting tips that Michiko has shared with me. I come back to these over and over again.
Activate your beginner’s mind. Learn from the situation. What is my child’s behavior teaching me? About myself? About them?
Children need to feel heard and understood. Cue presence. Quality is more important than quantity. How are you connecting on a daily basis? Pay attention to what lights them up. Are you truly listening? This is one I am always working on. Being a better listener.
When our children act out and press our buttons (because they will) practice being nonreactive. When as parents we are calm and in control we are better able to see what the situation is asking of us. And the behavior diffuses more quickly.
We are all in this together. Thank you for being here!